My Ass Is REALLY……

my-ass-was-on-the-line

Joke Of the Day-Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze.

hill-bill

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin’ the breeze.

1st Hillbilly says: ‘My wife sure is stupid!…She bought an air conditioner. ‘

2nd Hillbilly says: ‘Why is that stupid?’

1st Hillbilly says: ‘We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!’

2nd Hillbilly says: ‘That’s nothin’! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of   them new fangled warshin ‘ machines!’

1st Hillbilly says: ‘Why is that so stupid?’ 

2nd Hillbilly says: ”Cause we ain’t got no plummin’!’

3rd Hillbilly says: ‘That ain’t nuthin’! My wife is dumber than both yer 
wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin’ fer 
some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.’

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: ‘Well, what’s so dumb about that?’ 

3rd Hillbilly says: ‘She ain’t got no dick

Signs that You Just can’t make up………..No Senior Citizens….

#Joke Of The Day – The Burglar and the Loving Wife

A man breaks into a house to look for money and guns.

Inside, he finds a couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up & goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail, and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck.. … If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain…do what ever he tells you.  Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous.  If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love  you!”

His wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck.  He was whispering in my ear.  He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.  I told him it was in the bathroom.  Be strong honey………I love you too.”

Strange Name for a Business…

chinese sign

Scam against Older Men – Fresh From Australia

Warning: Scam Against Older Men and this is  good

And a  lot of men would have been caught.

Women often receive  warnings about protecting themselves at shopping centres and in dark car parks etc.

This is the first warning I have seen for men.. I wanted to  pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those  men who may be regular customers at Bunnings, Mitre 10, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I  became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to  get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough  to think it couldn’t happen to you or your  friends. Here’s how the scam  works:

Two nice-looking,  university-aged girls will come over to your car or ute as you are  packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out  of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank  them and offer them a tip,they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.

You agree and they climb  into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.

Then one of them  starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your  wallet.

I had my wallet stolen  March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.  Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th,  and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to  be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

K-Mart has wallets on  sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99c at the two dollar store and bought them out in three of their  stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and  forth from Bunnings, to Mitre 10, to K-Mart etc.

So please, send this on  to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in  the afternoon.)

Please take this seriously and pass  on.

Little Larry is back ……

Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

Why do you do that, mommy? he asked.

 To make myself beautiful, said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

What’s the matter, asked Larry Giving up?

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